How To Hold 'Em
There are few things about myself that I am truly confident about. Of the few, my poker playing ability is one of my most cherished. Last night while playing some Hold ‘Em, I got a comment about how hard it is to “read” me. I took a moment to let this sink in and pondered about how I could use this to my advantage. I started analyzing my last few hands to see if I could sniff out any trends in my playing style. The more I sniffed, the more I realized that I couldn’t play poker worth a damn. I play poker very much the same way that I love. I have absolutely no strategy and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing most of the time. Sometimes I’m cool and composed, as smooth as Don Juan. I do the whole flowers at your front door, pull out your chair before we eat, and kisses on your forehead thing. Other times, I’ll play sloppier than Frabricio Oberto (only guys will get this…). I’ll trip and stumble over my own words and stupid shit ends up spilling out. All of this aside, I’m playing the game to win. I love to love. No one can tell you who, where, when, what, and how to love or play. They can offer you petty advice, but in the end you’re going to have to dive in and experience it for yourself. You have to pick up a hand… …which brings me to the inevitable poker / love analogy. Before all you women folk get your panties in a bunch and start whining, “Oh God, here’s another guy making a stupid sports analogy for love to desensitize the whole meaning of the word…” Just stick with me, I think I may be onto something. Either that or I’m a mad man!! Let break it down for y’all. In order to attract people to a poker table, there’s got to be a prize to be won. We’ll call the prize love. The players are playing for love. Their hands represent their initial feelings for each other; the feelings that are present even before anything has begun. Their chips represent the feelings that they wager. This doesn’t necessarily have to be their true feelings (their hand holds their true feelings), but rather the feelings that they are willing to put on the table to get you to play the game. The dealer is fate. So say this dude shows up to a birthday party with a bottle of Vodka right? And this girl walks in and just pours herself a drink without even introducing herself. Dude looks at girl like, “What the dilly yo?” Names are exchanged, phone numbers stored, the game has begun. When you begin any game, you’re nervous about your hand. You don’t necessarily know what the other person is holding, what their feelings are towards you, so you play it cautious. There are some playa playas out there who lay it all on the line before even seeing a flop, but we all know they’re just interested in the snatch…ing of chips (what did y’all think I meant?). So we’re at the start of the game and you have to draw in your opponent somehow. Dude lays some chips on the table and sets up a date. Girl agrees and makes the call. The day of the first date comes along with all sorts of unexpected events. We’ll call this the flop. It’s a hit or miss. Gauging on all of the fun and laughter, the kisses and what not, we’ll call this a hit for the dude. Dude asks girl on few more dates. They laugh some more, they kiss some more, they bask in the serenity of each other’s smiles. They do the whole getting-to-know-you thing. They learn which side of the bed each one likes. Favorite foods, bad habits, and disgustingly cute pet names. They start to feel each other’s hands, which instills added confidence to their own hand. Dude lays down even more chips and raises the stakes. Girl calls. Then comes the turn. The silly quarrels over nothing substantial. The arguments that neither one remembers a week or two later. The distance apart, the missed phone calls, the jealousy. Whatever came out on the turn has changed the whole game around. Dude is no longer sure of the girl’s hand, but he adds nearly his whole stack to the pot. He wants to get past this turn. He’s committed to the hand. Girl hesitates for days before finally making the call. The river. The final card. The make-it-or-break-it point. The very last chance to place your bets and play for the pot. You can stall and float on the river for as long as you like, but you’ve got to make the call eventually. Will you sail together or is this a lone journey? Ah, but you underestimate the playa which is a common mistake. He might’ve came at the river. He might’ve been there at the turn. He might have even been present during the flop. No matter where he showed his face, he’s there and he’s got her doubting her hand. It could be aggressive, it could be subtle; it doesn’t matter. The reality of it is that it’s a hell of a lot easier playing the conman. Now he’s even got you doubting your own hand. Never forget that there are other players. They could be at your table or at a table elsewhere . People will fly to other locations to play poker at other tables. People have all kinds of strategies for love and poker. It doesn’t matter what you do, how you do it, or even in what order you do it. What matters is that you play all your chips without fear. The only difference between this crazy poker / love analogy and actual poker is that you’re not playing to win all the chips. You bet all your chips so that she can bet all of hers and you hope for a split. You take her chips, and she’ll take yours. Love is fifty-fifty. So now what do you do? You analyze the bets. Dude has consistently raised the stakes throughout the course of the game. Girl has called with lots of hesitation and has never raised on her own. Is it safe to put all your chips in the pot or will that force a fold? What about checking down and seeing if she raises? What if you finally put your own feelings on the table? What if I folded my hand after you raised? Would you hold onto all of your anger and your jealousy and your frustration? Would you let me walk away without ever telling me that you love me? I’ve been trying to get back the you from yesterday
If you see her, won't you tell her to walk my way
She already knows the path
But she seems so lost right now
Her heart is there to guide her
If only she’ll listen somehow
I'll be waiting, I've been waiting
She's found me once before
But it's cold now, she's so cold now
And my heart can't take much more
I don't believe her, does she believe her?
Is her wall really up that high?
She can deny me, she doesn't need me
But a kiss from her lips won't lie
She can deny me, she doesn’t need me
She can do whatever she wants to do
But if I leave her, when I leave her
It will only be her and you
And what will you do?
Oh, what will she do? | 
